The American Academy of Bluetooth Physicians recently announced a new mobile illness called "Bluetooth Neuron Disease." Symptoms include loss of reality, increased musical abilities and bipolar depression. The disease is spreading rapidly among iPhone users who place Starbuck orders using a paired bluetooth headset. DaVido, a singer obsessed with Starbucks, recently acquired the disease.
In a recent study, the AABP observed cell phone bluetooth users at 50 Starbucks in Silicon Valley. Over 75% of BT users were talking to themselves and staring into blank space as they imbibed latte's, capuccino's and "Grande Big Gulps," 36 ounces of Starbuck's daily coffee blend.
Suffering from bluetooth neuron disease, medical researchers believe the combination of caffeine and BT headsets results in solitary beings who prefer conversing with people they can't see. When researchers attempted removing the headsets, individuals started screaming "latte, latte" and required medical intervention.
Researchers speculate that wearing BT headsets on the left ear, combined with the caffeine, stimulates the brain's right hemisphere, leading to enhanced musical abilities. Downloading songs from iTunes to an iPhone at Starbucks may worsen the condition.
According to Star Buck, CEO and President of Starbucks in Seattle, "we are thoroughly investigating this serious situation and cooperating with the AABP." To ensure that Wi-Fi, available at most Starbucks, is not contributing to the illness, Starbucks' managers have turned off all wireless routers in the stores.
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